I (N. A.) am autistic. Level 2, semi-verbal, mid-high support needs. This is only specified for both our sake’s. Mostly mine.
Despite writing, I am not good with words and speaking (literal & non-literal) exhausts me. My writing comes from an archive of half-baked-ideas and big-ugly-feelings rather than consistency. Same for any form of art I try. All desperate attempts at expulsion of something, anything! In a world I feel deeply uncomfortable in.
I barely wish to call myself a writer, artist, creator; as with most words, they feel like nothing but noise. Noisy skills that are just tools for whatever I try to express and want to offer the world—to you.
If I can’t find catharsis, maybe you will.
I want this to be known so you have better, necessary context when interacting with my makings. My work comes from an autistic perspective, specifically “level 2.” There are other facets of my identity that are equally crucial, but my general (dis)ability is explained by autism. Meaning:
- I may not write for months. I may not draw for longer. I may not respond to much. I may respond excessively. I may respond oddly. I may not make sense.
- I may exist unconventionally. I may be someone you do not tolerate in “the real world.” I may be someone you don’t understand. I may be “too” autistic.
- So I ask you to be mindful—gentle, if you can.
I’m tired of this world. But I love the real one.
I used to be curious, excited. For real life and it’s real people. Part of me still is; enough to make ETCETERAs. A result of a mess of unresolved feelings. Is it a cry for help? A passion project? More proof that ostracisation and isolation isn’t a normal product of a thriving society? A big, horrible, eventual-mistake I know I’ll regret because I already do? Another opinionated, semi-creative, rambling person on the internet? A childlike plea to know that I can take up space, too? Etc., etc.?
Whatever this is, I’m letting it happen. For however long it does. And while I do, I offer for you to stay—especially the uncomfortable, exhausted kin. It’s hard to want to be anywhere. I know. But if I can make something that gives you any comfort, reassurance, hope? I think that’s all I really want from this.
Take care,
